Winning

ME:  How many laps are you going to do for your Fun Run at school?
GAVIN:  Probably about 40.
ME:  Wow, that's a lot!
GAVIN:  Yeah, I'm probably going to win.  I have to get 1st, 2nd or 3rd place.  All the other places are for losers.  I'm a winner, not a loser.
ME:  Well, ok then.

Ask Daddy

ME: What are you doing?
GAVIN: I'm trying to get my penis to stay down. It's sticking up and I want it down.
ME: You touching it is making it do that, so stop touching it.
GAVIN: Why does it do that?
ME: Ask your daddy.