Winning

ME:  How many laps are you going to do for your Fun Run at school?
GAVIN:  Probably about 40.
ME:  Wow, that's a lot!
GAVIN:  Yeah, I'm probably going to win.  I have to get 1st, 2nd or 3rd place.  All the other places are for losers.  I'm a winner, not a loser.
ME:  Well, ok then.

Ask Daddy

ME: What are you doing?
GAVIN: I'm trying to get my penis to stay down. It's sticking up and I want it down.
ME: You touching it is making it do that, so stop touching it.
GAVIN: Why does it do that?
ME: Ask your daddy.

Good Boy...Sometimes

ME: Did you cut your hair?
GAVIN: No, the lady at the hair place did it.
ME: If I ask God, what will he say?
GAVIN: That I'm sometimes a good boy.

?

ME: You need to start cleaning up.
GAVIN: Ok, Bubba Gump.

So Wrong!

ME: What in the world is that smell?!?!
GAVIN: It was me. I tooted. {{giggle, giggle}}
ME: Good golly, Gavin that is awful!
GAVIN: It does smell really stinky. Something's wrong with me.
ME: No kidding.

Hide Me!

ME: Daddy is on on his way home and he is not happy with your behavior today. He said he would be dealing with that when he gets home.
GAVIN: Was he mad or sad?
ME: Probably both.
GAVIN: Oh no. Hurry! Will you PLEASE hide me?

Bedtime Chatter

Our conversation tonight at bedtime.

GAVIN: Can I sleep with you tonight?
ME: No.
GAVIN: Is Tom the cat and Jerry the mouse?
ME: Yes.
GAVIN: Did you know I have a big head? It's like a pumpkin.
ME: Really?
GAVIN: Are you going to sell me to the gypsies?
ME: Maybe.

Lame

ME: What is Layla barking at?
GAVIN: Some lame people outside.

Penis, Fingers and Potty, Oh My! - May.4.2010

GAVIN: {in a Michael's store bathroom} Don't worry Mom, I won't put my penis or fingers in the potty.

The Stomach Needs to DANCE! - April.24.2010

GAVIN: Mommy, my tummy hurts. It's growling at me because it wants to draw. It NEEDS to draw...and dance.

Hard Day at Pre-K - April.20.2010

GAVIN: Mom, I had a hard day today. I fell in the wood chips and got wood chip stuff up my nose, I dropped my grapes at lunch, and the trail mix I made didn't have enough brown M&Ms in them. Oh my golly, I am tired!

Cowboy Heels - April.20.2010

GAVIN: I love my cowboy boots! Look Mom, they're high heels! I get to wear high heels to school!

Talk to the Paw - April.16.2010

ME: Stop jumping on the couch!
GAVIN: Holy shoots, Mom! Talk to the paw!

Tooting Himself to Sleep - April.5.2010

GAVIN: {in his bed for the night} Mommy, I waaaaaant you and neeeeeeeeeeed you soooooooo bad!
{he abruptly stops talking and starts making tooting noises and eventually giggles himself to sleep}

Glue

GAVIN: {talking about a broken car} Look, Mom!
ME: Owwwww, you broke it.
GAVIN: I didn't break it. It wasn't glued properly.

Hey You! - April.2.2010

GAVIN: {In the backyard yelling at the neighbors} Hey you, man! What are you doing there? Hey you! I'm talking to you!
ME: Apologize now for being rude.
GAVIN: I can't. I don't have enough breath in me.

Problem Potty - March.29.2010

ME: Will you please do me a favor?
GAVIN: What?
ME: Will you please start going pee and poop in the potty?
GAVIN: That's not a favor, that's a problem.

Puppy Gavin - March.17.2010

Gavin: {while sniffing me and trying to lick me} I am no longer a boy, I am a dog. You can call me Puppy Gavin.

Mad, Mad, Mad - March.15.2010

GAVIN: {mad at me} I am going to put all of you people in jail and then I will blow up your roof and tear down your walls.

Chocolate Balls - March.4.2010

GAVIN: {While changing his diaper} Did you get my chocolate balls?

Girl! - February.3.2010

GAVIN: {to me} Girl, you really need a haircut!

Pirate Family Picture

GAVIN: Mom, this is you, you're an angry pirate and that's your husband.

I'm Always Right

GAVIN: Mom, have you noticed that lately I have been right and you have been wrong?
ME: The sooner you realize that Mom is always right, the easier your life will be.

Ice Cream

GAVIN: My stomach really hurts.
ME: You're fine.
GAVIN: No, it really hurts and I bet I know what will make it feel better. I bet ice cream from Baskin Robbins will fix it. In fact, I KNOW it will fix it.

Pirates & Cleaning - January.18.2010

ME: Gavin, clean up your toys.
GAVIN: I'm a pirate and pirates do not clean.  Arrrgggg!

Bath Time with Mommy or Daddy - November.29.2009

Me: Do you want Mommy or Daddy to give you a bath tonight?
GAVIN: The one with a penis.

Turkey - November.26.2009

GAVIN: Turkey, get in my belly!

Ketchup - November.2.2009

GAVIN: {{talking about his stuffed monster named Ketchup}}: Mom, we have a problem.
ME: What?
Gavin: Ketchup just threw up by the front door.

I'm a Pantry - September.21.2009

GAVIN: Mom, I'm a pantry. I have a door. You can open me.

Toys and Sleep - June.22.2009

GAVIN: Mom, Mom, Mom! I don't want to go to bed!
ME: If you don't go to bed I'm throwing away all of your toys!
GAVIN: {{silence}}

His Too Big Penis - June.6.2009

ME: Do you want to use the big boy potty today?
GAVIN: No, I don't want to touch my penis because it's too big.

The Pool

Conversation between two 5 year olds that took place in my car today.
WALKER: My grandma has a pool.
GAVIN: No way!
WALKER: Yes, she does!
GAVIN: Well shut my mouth and call me Lassie!

I.D.O.T.A.

GAVIN: Tyler (his imaginary friend) said a bad word today to his mom.
ME: What did he say?
GAVIN: (spells out) I D O T A.
ME: What?
GAVIN: He called her an idiot.
ME: And now you said it.
GAVIN: I wouldn't have had to if you could spell.